Hey nerds, lately it has occured to me that there is a lot of compelling conversation about stationery happening outside our community. I can’t be the only paper person who gets excited when I stumble on one of these discussions — which is exactly what happened with the article I’m sharing today.
It was published this past summer in one of my local papers, The Cleveland Jewish News, and as you’ll shortly read for yourself, much of their coverage is secular. Hal Becker contributes a column tucked toward the back that I never skip. He is a nationally known speaker on sales and customer service. Hal’s business books include two national bestsellers, Can I Have 5 Minutes of Your Time? and Lip Service, as well as the just released Ultimate Sales Book. With that, I’ll leave you in his most capable hands!
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Get a tissue, because this little “ditty” might make you cry.
Being an only child, I was fortunate to have two loving parents. No big issues and unlike so many other families, we did not have much drama. The house — rented, two-family — was full of love and joy. My parents and I were very close, and as I got older — I moved out at age 17 for college — they were even my best friends. Sure, I had great friends, which I still do, but I so enjoyed the times from playing a weekly game of golf with my dad or listening to the advice my Mom gave to help me see the world through her amazing empathetic eyes.
I was lucky to have two loving parents who provided the values and morals I live by today. Unfortunately, they both died before I reached my 35th birthday.
During one of my last conversations with my mom, she handed me a sealed letter and made me promise I would only open it after her death. She was quite ill the last year of her life, and my father and myself were her primary caregivers. Naturally, I promised her I would not open it until then, and put it away hoping that day would never come.
The day after her passing and after I had a few moments to myself, I decided to read the letter. I am tearing up now even as I write this column, thinking of the words she used to compose this treasured piece of paper that is priceless to me.
She expressed her joy of having me as her son and how much I meant to her in so many different ways. It was sweet, warm, loving and, above all, genuine and filled with amazing gratitude.
This simple act she did prior to her death is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I suggest that you might consider doing the same. I have already done this for my wife and daughter. All you need is to be in a thoughtful, reflective and loving mood with no distractions. Spend an hour writing by expressing how much you love them, even admit to a mistake or two, but give them a gift from your heart.
Writing a letter to your spouse and children before you die can be a profoundly meaningful act for several reasons:
Sharing wisdom, guidance and preserving memories: Your letter can share life lessons, values and advice that you want to impart to your spouse and children. It’s an opportunity to pass on your insights and guide them even in your absence. Your letter can become a keepsake for your family, preserving your voice, thoughts and emotions for generations. It can serve as a reminder of your love and comfort them long after you’re gone.
Providing comfort and expressing your love: Your letter can offer comfort and reassurance to your family during a time of grief and loss. Knowing that you took the time to write to them, even in your final moments, can bring solace and strength as they face life without you. You can express your deepest feelings of love and gratitude toward your spouse and children.
Closure and resolution: Writing a letter allows you to tie up loose ends, express forgiveness or resolve any lingering issues. It can offer closure and peace of mind for both you and your family, possibly allowing healing and acceptance. Writing a letter can also be therapeutic for you, helping you come to terms with your mortality and allowing you to express anything you feel is important.
Keep in mind that writing a letter to your spouse and children before you die is a profound act of love that can provide comfort and guidance to both you and your family. They can read it any time they feel they are missing you.
This column first appeared in the Cleveland Jewish News/cjn.org. Reprinted with permission.
Thank you so much Hal and The Cleveland Jewish News for letting me share this. I was more than a little star-struck when Hal emailed me back saying I could post it here!
No matter where you are in the circle of life or what your family looks like, hopefully the cards I’ve shared inspire you to start thinking about the message you want to leave to your family and your chosen family. I just know they will be cherished and read over and over!
Finally, if you read something you think I’d like to share here — or have written it yourself — I want to know all about it! Please send it my way at sarah@thepapernerd.com.
